Can you believe ads for Royal Enfields?

Is it really what the ad says it is?

Buyer beware: Royal Enfield motorcycles for sale in the United States are listed as honestly as possible on this blog. I have no connection to any of the sellers, and can not vouch for them.

But if you click through to enough of the ads you'll soon develop a sense of which claims are reasonable, and which are not.

For instance, a Royal Enfield Bullet that is described as "one of the last English produced Enfields," raises suspicions when it carries a seat typical of Royal Enfields made in India.

The ad claims that this motorcycle has had "no restoration of any kind but it looks near new."

But one of the reasons it looks near new is that the paint appears fresh, shiny, and possibly not a factory color. No restoration of any kind?

Suspicions might increase further when that same "1968" Royal Enfield is described as having only "300 original miles!"

What has it been doing for the last 46 years? The ad helpfully explains: "This bike was in a climate controlled museum since new."

Why would a museum — any museum in the world — have added a then brand new motorcycle to its collection? Sure, it's possible, but is it likely? New speedometers with zero-mile odometer settings are easily fitted, a much more likely possibility.

Perhaps this seller is truthfully relating what he was told when he himself purchased the motorcycle. Perhaps he doesn't himself realize that the story seems unlikely.

His asking price ($6,500) is on the high side. His claims and high asking price place a real burden of proof on this seller.

Would you buy a Royal Enfield from this seller?

Trying to sell a Royal Enfield motorcycle? Well, when you write the ad, don't make the mistakes this guy did.

You see, everybody else in America keeps their Royal Enfield Bullet carefully covered inside a nice garage. Not this guy. He parked his in the back yard, where it sat in the sun and rain. Birds built a nest in it; you can see the nest in the photo.

Still, he assures you that "it will clean up." Not that he plans to clean it up before he sells it to you.

You will have to buy it "as is, where is." He won't ship it.

"Local pick-up only!" he states, firmly.

Nevermind that he lives 20 miles off a back road and across a creek and has to go into town to get his mail because the Post Office won't deliver past the first arroyo.

Oh, and the selling price is firm, too (and about what you'd pay to get it brand new from the manufacturer, even including dealer prep).

Our guy isn't going to bargain. He knows what he has, or so he says (he misidentified the model of the bike in the ad), so don't try to low ball him.

If it comes to that, he says he has seen a Royal Enfield just like his offered on eBay by others at $1,000 more. That must have been in some Alternative Dimension.

As far as whether his bike is right for you, his ad warns you to "do your own homework" to determine that.

If you can't figure out how to start a Bullet you can't buy it anyway, he writes, so don't waste his time. It will only need a little tinkering and maybe some starting fluid (and a new battery and gas) to get it started. Maybe more. That's your worry.

Still not sure? "Look at the pictures," our man advises you. He means the picture in his ad, which is blurry, dark, and shows only half the motorcycle. The seller's thumb is mostly there, though.

Luckily he includes a second picture, in perfect focus, of a beautiful Royal Enfield. He found this photo of someone else's bike on the Internet, but his is "just like it" the ad says.

Still want to get in contact with him? Well, don't respond to his ad by email; he's sick and tired of scammers. "I'll erase all emails," he warns.

So he gives his phone number, in code, to throw off those Internet spies he has heard about. Something like "SIX-EERHT-2-DEUCE-sixty-FORE-NIN-ER."

But even if you can figure out the number, don't bother texting him. "NO TEXT," he shouts, in capital letters. And he's not done shouting.

"No trades. I don't want a rusty Jeep or your dog. This is not junk. I don't need your help to sell it. I don't have to sell. I WILL NOT ANSWER QUESTION IS IT STILL FOR SALE."

You don't want his bike anyway and you wouldn't buy it, even if you did, from the Unabomber.

My example seller is — mostly — fictional; but sellers like him are common. Reading their ads is like subjecting yourself to a verbal punching out.

Your only solace is that they probably never will sell the motorcycle.

Maybe that's why, in his most recent ad, this seller actually uses the word "please." What an improvement it makes.